


self slaughter

by doubleknot



Series: Hello, Strange Place [3]
Category: CIX (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Study, Suicide, kinda??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 12:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21409831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubleknot/pseuds/doubleknot
Summary: just like him and his problems, it doesn't matter.
Series: Hello, Strange Place [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1541959
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	self slaughter

**Author's Note:**

> i was admittedly very hesitant to post this as to how hard this clip hit me. it seemed to have struck a nerve. i'm glad that c9 is allowing cix to shine a light on these type of topics and that they're not only trying to spread awareness but they're careful as they do it. cix's acting in the films so far honestly just shows how serious they take this. anyways, please tread lightly as you read this. this does deal with suicide. if you or anyone you know is dealing with suicidal thoughts then please do not be afraid to reach out for help. you're not alone.

the city is so loud and so alive. cars fill the roads, people run along the streets, sirens ring through the noise, and lights shine brightly like they're trying to outshine the stars that twinkle in the dark sky. the city is so big and vibrant. but from up here, where yonghee sits alone on the rooftop of a building, the city seems small. it looks just how yonghee feels; small and irrelevant but seemingly trying its hardest to make itself known.

his feet dangle dangerously over the building as he sits perched on the edge of the roof. the teen watches as the people try to go about their lives in their own little worlds. observes as they go around with smiles on their faces even if they possibly felt like they had the weight of the world balanced on their shoulders. yonghee wonders if these seemingly careless, unbothered people feel like he does. it's not like it matters anyway so he's quick to shove that thought away before he can even ponder it.

yonghee allows himself to observe the city for just a moment longer before he reaches for his phone that sits by him. he knows he hasn't gotten any messages or calls but he just needed to check this one last time. keep his hands steady as he slowly puts in his password is hard but he has to manage, he wanted to make sure he gets it right on the first try. his home screen pops up not even a second later. the teen notices he hasn't gotten a response from the last message he had sent to who he was wanting to speak too. sending one last message to them wouldn't hurt even if he was sure they wouldn't answer him.

the noise of the keyboard pops in his ears as his fingers fly across the screen. he didn't have much to say but he did know exactly what was on his mind and what he was going to send.

'mom, i was looking at the sky, and i thought of you. the night sky is so beautiful. why didn't i see this earlier?'

his fingers hover over the keys. he hesitates for moment, wondering if he should leave it at that, before he starts to type once again.

'you should let me go now. thank you for everything.'

yonghee reads over it as his thumb sits above the send button. he hits it. the message is sent and delivered immediately. he locks his phone afterwards, letting it go dark before he sets it down beside him once again. his hands drop into his lap and his fingers curl around the one item he has been so scared to let go of. 

he stares down at the watch he's usually wearing. it's nothing special, just a small clock with thin, dark brown leather straps. it's nothing special but it means a lot too him. he isn't too sure why it does though. maybe time is precious. maybe he wishes there was things he could go back in the past and change. maybe he wants others to go back in time and fix things. he doesn't know, he doesn't know, he doesn't know.

the boy sniffles as tears prick and sting at his eyes and fresh blood dries at the corner of his mouth. the sound of his phone ringing and vibrating jerks him out of his spiraling. he glances down to check the caller id. it's just the person he had wanted to speak to. too bad he doesn't want to speak anymore. he's already made up his mind so it doesn't matter. just like him and his problems,_ it doesn't matter_.

he's silent as he places his watch down beside his phone. he ignores the ringing device as he pushes himself up on his feet. yonghee is breathing heavily, taking deep, uneven breaths, as he stands on shaky legs. there's no one here to stop him this time. there's no one that cares anyways. he knows no one cares.

placing one foot in front of the other, he makes his way to the very edge of the rooftop. the teen trembles as he looks over the city one more time. the lights are still aglow, the cars are still loud and fast, and the people are still scattered about the streets. this time around though they all grow blurry. his vision sways and swims as tears well up once again. 

this time he lets his tears fall. 

and then, seconds later, he lets himself fall.


End file.
